Have you ever heard the saying, I was a much better parent before I became one? You know, the good ol’ days before we had kids, when we could walk through Target and judge the parent whose child was having a meltdown, knowing that my child (who didn’t exist at the moment) would never do that. Or sitting in a restaurant and a child is crying because their macaroni and cheese is touching their French fries. After the thoughts about how that is not healthy food for kids pass, you determine that your hypothetical child will never do that, right?! How about this one, your friend’s toddler will only eat a total of two foods, and has an all out screaming, throw themselves on the floor, foaming at the mouth tantrum. After you call in the exorcist, you know that your child will never be a picky eater.

Then you become an actual parent. And you have THAT kid.

My Experience with a Picky Eater

I was totally the perfect parent before I had kids. Okay, so I wasn’t nearly as extreme as my examples, but of course I thought I had all the answers to producing the perfect child. Then my oldest was born. He was my high need baby, then turned into a toddler that would only eat a handful of foods. It left me questioning, how can a baby who ate a variety of homemade organic baby food turn into a picky eater?! This was a challenge for me as a mom, but it wasn’t too worrisome as the few foods he ate were actually pretty healthy. It came to a point though, where it was time to work on getting him to eat outside of his comfort zone.

Fast forward to present day, and that picky eater is still sort of picky, but will eat a variety of foods, including the healthy ones. He may not like them all, but he will still eat them. No exorcism required. He is also a teenager and taller than me, so his early days of extreme picky eating didn’t do any permanent damage.

Here are a few things I learned along the way to help support him to overcome being a picky eater.

I Am Not a Doctor

Before we get into all that, nothing in this post is meant to be taken as medical advice. I am not a doctor or medical expert. I am just a mom sharing my experience with you. Get medical advice from your physician, not a blog post.

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Not All Picky Eating is About Preference

Some picky eaters are actually dealing with a sensory sensitivity or overload. I understand that when a parent reads or hears the word “sensory” they automatically think that this means a medical diagnosis or “label” and years of intensive therapy. Sometimes this is the case, but not always. In either situation getting a medical opinion can only help. If your child goes to the extreme of food sensitivity, it is worth a conversation with your pediatrician. With the right support, kids can learn to regulate their sensory system and eating can greatly improve.

Allergies or intolerances can be another reason your child is a picky eater. Who wants to eat when they feel awful afterwards? Again, if you suspect an allergy this is the time to bring in medical help. Keeping a food journal prior to meeting with an allergy doctor might help you pinpoint the offending foods. Keep in mind, sometimes these things take time to figure out and diagnose, so be patient through the process.

Avoid Food Fights

This one is easier said than done, especially with toddlers. Sometimes, food is just a way your little one asserts some independence or control. Sometimes it’s a way to make themself the center of attention. This isn’t always the case, and it’s not a negative character trait, but a natural phase of development. If you suspect that your child is in this phase, then it may be beneficial to feed your picky eater first, before the family meal time. This isn’t meant to be harsh or a punishment, but more of their own special meal time so they can get their nutrition without the inner struggle to be the center of attention. Feed them the same food the rest of the family is having, and enjoy your meal in peace.

On the flip side, it can be helpful to include them in family meals, as it set an example of positive eating times. Like so many other things in life and parenting, you’ll have to try it and figure it out as you go.

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Keep Introducing Healthy Food

Just because your child decides they don’t like a food, doesn’t mean you should stop trying. One of the best things I learned in the throes of picky eating is that it can take anywhere from 10-20 tries before the brain decides to accept the offending food (so not a scientific explanation but stay with me). This was a turning point for me because I started looking at the work of just one bite as brain training. I no longer felt defeated or like I was getting nowhere with trying to get him to eat a darn green bean. We overcame a lot of his picky eating, over a long time, one bite at a time.

Healthy Food for Kids – Do It Their Way

When my son started eating green beans (one of the first veggies he would eat) he preferred them with a side of maple syrup for dipping. Is this an unusual condiment to accompany green beans? Yes. Did I fight it? No. In fact, if he wanted to dip those green beans in chocolate sauce and whipped cream I probably would have obliged. In the moment, the goal was just to get him used to eating non-preferred foods. He was allowed to have some control over how he ate them.

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Food Rewards are Okay

This one can be controversial, but I think it’s okay to use a preferred food or a treat as a reinforcement when they try a non-preferred food. It’s best to keep the experience as positive as possible. Cheer them on and reinforce their efforts in a positive way. My only caution is, give a small treat. Don’t let them fill up on unhealthy food and treats just because they didn’t spit out their bite of broccoli. Giving a donut in exchange for a bite of a vegetable is counterproductive. Keep the rewards appropriate. A bite for a bite is a good measure at first. Eventually they will start taking bites on their own without external motivation, but it might be necessary at first to keep the experience positive.

Be Patient and Persistent

This is the last thing anyone wants to hear when it comes to parenting, but patience is always key. Promoting healthy food for kids and overcoming picky eating is one of those long haul type things. Don’t expect to see results quickly or even easily. I can tell you that slow progress over years has paid off with my son. He still has preferences for certain foods and aversions to some, but I think we’re at a normal level of picky eating now and we no longer live in the food extremes.