This post is for all of you new homeschoolers. Whether you are homeschooling because of COVID or for any other reason, transitioning to homeschool from a traditional school setting is not for the faint of heart.
Many of you started the year excited to step into your new role as home educator. You set up your school room, bought all of the shiny new books, and had an image in your head of cooperative kids ready to learn from you and hang on every word you say. Maybe for some that is a reality, but for most the reality doesn’t meet the expectation. At least not right away. I’m seeing more and more comments from new homeschoolers who are having a tough time with their kids right now. Kids don’t want to learn from them, don’t want to do their schoolwork, etc.
I want to offer my perspective as to why transitioning to homeschool can be so difficult for some kids. This can be hard, but it can also get better. My goal is that this post can set you on a course for a more peaceful and uplifting homeschool experience.
Are you Teacher or Parent?
From the moment our kids are born they learn from us. They learn how to talk, walk, use a toilet, wiggle a loose tooth and ride a bike from us. Infants and toddlers don’t instinctively know not to put their finger in an electrical outlet or not to touch a hot stove. We teach them. That makes us their very first teacher, but really, we’re just being a good parent teaching these things. We don’t compartmentalize parenting in one box, then teaching in another. We come along side them and simply lead them, and they learn. It is all the same with no defining line between the role of educator and parent in their life. Until kindergarten.
An Unnatural Division
From the second we send our kids to that big school building to be taught by other people, we abdicate our role as primary educator. I don’t say this to pass judgment by any means. Both of my kids did some time in public schools. Our responsibility as parents is to give our kids a good education and that sometimes means putting them in school. The fact that it’s not wrong or neglectful to put them in school doesn’t change the fact that we surrender our role as their primary educator. For the first time in their lives there is a line dividing education from life. The teachers become responsible for the education part, and the parents are responsible for the life part. This division between education and life, or teaching and parenting, is not natural.
Since the division is unnatural, kids have to start being trained from an early age to accept this division. Kindergarten is one of the toughest grades to teach as kids are transitioning into this division. The longer your kids are trained to compartmentalize education from life and teacher from parent, the longer it will take for them to transition out of this mentality too. We can’t expect them to just accept this with no pushback.
It took time and effort to train this into our kids, and it will take time and effort to bring them back to the natural order of learning from you.
Take Responsibility
The first step towards helping our kids make this transition to homeschool is acknowledging that this is our issue, not theirs. When we make the decision to put them in school, we have to own the choice to give up our role as educator. This was not the kids’ choice. If they are struggling with the transition into homeschooling and not quickly accepting you as their teacher, don’t blame them. It is not an issue with their character or their heart. You gave up that role and you can’t expect your kids to suddenly or easily give it back to you. You have to reclaim it, and this will take time and patience.
Reclaiming Your Role
How do you reclaim your natural, God-given role as a parent educator after you’ve given it up? By building relationships with your kids. Your relationship with your kids is more important to your homeschool than any teaching style, curriculum or anything else. Before you even begin the academics, work on making your relationship strong enough so your kids don’t mind being with you day in and day out. If they’ve been in school for awhile, just spending so much time together is an adjustment.
If you realize that homeschooling is taking your relationship with your kids off track, take a break. It is okay to hit the reset button. Go out for coffee, take walks or bike rides, play video games with them. Trying to push forward when things are tense between you and your kids usually only breeds more resentment, it doesn’t result in learning. Your kids are responsible for their actions, they are not responsible for the relationship they have with you. If homeschooling is derailing your relationship, it is up to you, not them, to get it back on track. Keep in mind; you can’t punish kids into a better relationship with you. You have to lovingly guide them and nurture the relationship back to a good place.
Keep Your Home a Home, Not a School
A school is a place of structure and rigidity. A home should be a place of comfort and flexibilty. It should be a safe place to experience life and learning. It should not be a place where students compete for a grade, or feel dumb when they don’t understand. A home is not a place of performance and rewards for academics. It should be a nurturing environment where students aren’t afraid to give a wrong answer or mess up on a test. The goal shouldn’t be to please the teacher, but to learn.
As you are working on the academics, remember you are just mom or dad. Don’t draw that line between teacher and parent. You are not parent when kissing away a scraped knee, then teacher while helping with fractions. You are just mom or dad whether in life or homeschooling, just like when they were toddlers. There is no teacher and principal role in a family. These positions were invented for schools and not natural in life. I cringe when I hear moms say, “I’m the teacher and when they don’t listen to me I send them to the principal (dad).” You are mom and dad in ALL aspects of life, including homeschooling. Let’s blur the line between life and education.
I am cheering all of you new homeschoolers on, especially those of you that are struggling right now. You’ve got this! You can build a great relationship and reclaim your role in your kids’ lives. There may be some bumps in the road, but that’s okay. Perfection is not required and you are completely capable of rising to these challenges!
Read More
If you need more encouragement as you homeschool your kids, check out some of these great books!